In February of this year, Long Board and I began to rent a home ?together.? It would be another four months before he considered the house his primary residence, but we were moving in that direction. From July 2009 to July 2011, we spent our weekends strategically negotiating between our cities. Living only 90 miles apart, this was doable. Not always easy, but most always doable.
With one long distance relationship over, I find myself in an even longer distance relationship. That?s of course my relationship with Dee and Cupcake. No mere handful of miles, this relationship spans a continent. Visits are not something to be planned lightly. Avid travelers, Long Board and I have quite the list of places that we?d like to go. To be honest, neither of us have Cupcake?s current state (either of the two where she might reside ? I don?t really know for sure) in our top ten. Or top twenty. Top anything?
But that?s neither here nor there. Cupcake is there, which pushes the state up the list in my book.
However life is standing there, hands on hips, firmly in my way. There are only so many vacation days I get. (And with a job in events where there?s always another one around the corner, only so many that I can take at once!)? There is only so much money that we have ? and with plans on the horizon to buy a house and build our family, savings is a priority.
Long distance relationships are enough of a challenge when both parties are active and enthusiastic?when one is lukewarm, I wonder what that means.
I?ve heard from Dee once since the move. No more, no less than usual. But a part of me thinks, out of sight, out of mind? What?s a realistic expectation regarding visits? I know it?s been hard enough to schedule a three hour get together, so what does a cross country trip take with regards to planning?
Will I have the anxiety I had the first time I left Long Board for an extended time? I knew we were to be apart at least 5 weeks and I lost it. The fear, worry, anxiety overwhelmed me. Yes, Dee and I have always had much more than five weeks between visits, and yes, I always know that as I?m leaving, but there?s a sliver of hope in me that says, In a moment of true need, it could be less time. I have every faith in the world that if I reached out and expressed my desire for a visit within a couple of months, we could discuss it ? perhaps work something out. But now? We?re talking airfare, security checkpoints, baggage fees and expenses that I don?t have. I lose the peace of mind. The possibility that used to exist.
The strangest part of this is that I?m okay?.sort of. I?ve made some sort of peace with it. I?m not the upset girl I was back in March when I felt blindsided. I?m looking on bright sides and being optimistic (and realistic at the same time). But I know that our relationship can?t be what I once thought it might become, for the sheer fact of distance (if not all the other potential factors). That?s okay. It really is.
I suppose I?m just figuring out how much I want that to be my ?fault.?
Where do I draw the line in that sand about what responsibility I can take in this? How much do I budget/plan/adjust my plans for the future because of this change in our relationship? What can I put towards this LDR and what kind of risk am I ready to assume if the effort isn?t reciprocated?
It?s been nearly six months since our last visit?.the six month itch it seems to be?the point where I start wondering about future visits.
I suppose I?m just trying to get my ducks in a row before I open it up to the rest of the flock 
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Source: http://ishouldreallybeworking.com/2011/09/01/the-reality-of-a-long-distance-relationship/
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